As a Christian, I have asked the question “Jesus, are you enough for me” countless times and felt guilty for even thinking something like that…I was suppose to give my all to Jesus each and every day and sure thought I was. I didn’t want to feel the guilt of knowing I had more to give and simply wasn’t. Therefore, I will humbly say that I got mad at Jesus, especially here on the race. I just graduated college and could be in a well paying job in the comfort of my home in Colorado, but instead decided to go on a mission trip for a year…I can say with certainty that I did not expect to do that. Thus, wasn’t I giving my all to God?? What else could I give? Shocker but turns out I had more to give…
Y’all know one of Jesus’s good ol’ disciples Peter?? The one that said he’d die for Jesus when Jesus told them that they couldn’t go with him. Then Jesus straight out tells Peter that before the rooster crows the next morning, Peter will deny knowing Jesus three times…got to love how blatantly honest Jesus is and, of course, he was right. Peter sure did deny him three times.
I denied not having anything else to give up like Peter denied Jesus three times. It was like playing ping pong with a wall: kept saying I am giving my everything and Jesus would politely respond with a clear no. Finally, the rooster crowed for me and he made it pretty dang clear what I needed to give up. Therefore, I took action. I handed it to him…but surprise surprise that wasn’t enough. I was keeping it in the dark and many parts of me were not trusting Jesus with it still. This needed to go. I needed to give it up.
Detour but it will all come together:
During training, I was asked to be one of the Beauty for Ashes interns on our squad. This role is, in short, a position that includes helping women step into their truest identity and to find healing. I have wanted to practice a Beauty for Ashes session with my team of all women and I recently had the opportunity. Jesus did some incredible things during this time with my team! I felt called to transition into writing down things we need to give up and sharing it with one another if they felt comfortable. I sure did not plan on telling my team about what I needed to give up, especially after sharing an already super vulnerable part of my life during the session. Yet, I am working on that funny thing called “obedience to God”, so I shared with much reluctancy. After many rambles, I finally shared what I had written on my paper. I felt an immediate wave of freedom.
By sharing this with my team, it was brought into the light. I have only been with my team for a week and am still becoming comfortable around them. Thus, it is only because I trust Jesus that I told them and if he tells me to do something, I have decided that I want to obey. I want Jesus to always have my yes! As Jesus says in John 14, “Those who love me, obey my commandments.” Sign me up, Jesus! You have proven time after time that you love me and I am ready to love you full heartedly back!
Guys, giving Jesus your all is WILD! So incredibly freeing and special. He loves you way more than you could ever comprehend and will show you his love even more, the more you hand over to him.
Powerful Victoria
I love your yes Victoria. You’ll be finding out one hour and one day at a time how absolutely trustworthy and good God really is and how he wants your highest good in all situations. The hard and scary and the bad and ugly are often part of the mix, and actually catapult you further and faster than smiley faces blessings and prosperity can.
Love your courage, your willing heart to surrender any false self, false identities, and miss beliefs of yourself and simply step into the light with your team,wow-newfound greater freedom than ever before.
Tks for the blog
“But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.”
??1 John? ?1:7? ?ESV??
Vic, this is such an amazing post. Giving Jesus your everything is so powerful and can change lives. I’m so glad to hear that you and your team are doing good! Much love!!
I have so loved reading your updates! I love that you got to do a Beauty for Ashes session – you are experiencing so much freedom, and by your yes, others have been invited to step into experiencing that same freedom. You radiate SO much joy and hope, and it is so life giving!! Big hugs to you.
Victoria,
I love your vulnerability! Thank you for sharing your journey… I loved your phrase,”I want Jesus to always have my yes!!!” You are truly an inspiration, a life changer!!!
Yes, big hugs and love to you, Lynda
Wow! What an amazing, difficult, trying, inspiring and challenging journey you are on, yet you continue to remind me of Job who said, “But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.” (23:10) SO proud of you Victoria! Chris
This is great – love you Sis. So excited to what God is doing in your life!
Yes Yes Yes to this line:
Thus, it is only because I trust Jesus that I told them and if he tells me to do something, I have decided that I want to obey. I want Jesus to always have my yes!
Proud of you!
This is incredibly powerful and encouraging…continue to grow and spur others like myself to do the same!
Victoria!! This is so good!! So encouraging!! I’ve been meditating on James 5:16, which promises us that confessing our sin will bring healing because it allows us to pray over one another with power and effectiveness. I’m so glad to hear that you’re experiencing freedom from things you’ve held on to and am expectant that it will foster intimacy and deep friendship on your team. So honored to get to be a BfA intern with you!! This spurs me on in my faith!
This is beautiful! Thanks for sharing! Thank you for stepping into a place of discomfort and vulnerability, and for responding to the Lord with radical obedience. Your desire to draw near to God, and to give your “yes” to Him is so beautiful and encouraging. I saw Him growing and stretching you so much in training camp, and can’t wait to see how much more He has grown you at debrief. The description of the tree firmly planted by the water in Jeremiah 17 comes to mind as I think of you.
I am so proud of you and how you are growing! Way to go! You will never regret seeking Him first and foremost! Love, Barbara