As a Christian, I have asked the question “Jesus, are you enough for me” countless times and felt guilty for even thinking something like that…I was suppose to give my all to Jesus each and every day and sure thought I was. I didn’t want to feel the guilt of knowing I had more to give and simply wasn’t. Therefore, I will humbly say that I got mad at Jesus, especially here on the race. I just graduated college and could be in a well paying job in the comfort of my home in Colorado, but instead decided to go on a mission trip for a year…I can say with certainty that I did not expect to do that. Thus, wasn’t I giving my all to God?? What else could I give? Shocker but turns out I had more to give…

Y’all know one of Jesus’s good ol’ disciples Peter?? The one that said he’d die for Jesus when Jesus told them that they couldn’t go with him. Then Jesus straight out tells Peter that before the rooster crows the next morning, Peter will deny knowing Jesus three times…got to love how blatantly honest Jesus is and, of course, he was right. Peter sure did deny him three times. 

I denied not having anything else to give up like Peter denied Jesus three times. It was like playing ping pong with a wall: kept saying I am giving my everything and Jesus would politely respond with a clear no. Finally, the rooster crowed for me and he made it pretty dang clear what I needed to give up. Therefore, I took action. I handed it to him…but surprise surprise that wasn’t enough. I was keeping it in the dark and many parts of me were not trusting Jesus with it still. This needed to go. I needed to give it up. 

Detour but it will all come together:

During training, I was asked to be one of the Beauty for Ashes interns on our squad. This role is, in short, a position that includes helping women step into their truest identity and to find healing. I have wanted to practice a Beauty for Ashes session with my team of all women and I recently had the opportunity. Jesus did some incredible things during this time with my team! I felt called to transition into writing down things we need to give up and sharing it with one another if they felt comfortable. I sure did not plan on telling my team about what I needed to give up, especially after sharing an already super vulnerable part of my life during the session. Yet, I am working on that funny thing called “obedience to God”, so I shared with much reluctancy. After many rambles, I finally shared what I had written on my paper. I felt an immediate wave of freedom. 

By sharing this with my team, it was brought into the light. I have only been with my team for a week and am still becoming comfortable around them. Thus, it is only because I trust Jesus that I told them and if he tells me to do something, I have decided that I want to obey. I want Jesus to always have my yes! As Jesus says in John 14, “Those who love me, obey my commandments.” Sign me up, Jesus! You have proven time after time that you love me and I am ready to love you full heartedly back! 

Guys, giving Jesus your all is WILD! So incredibly freeing and special. He loves you way more than you could ever comprehend and will show you his love even more, the more you hand over to him.