Truth and Healing at Training Camp

Do you ever ask God for something and are then shocked when it actually happens? Like you want healing and everything because you know it is “best” for you, but yet you don’t want to do all the exhausting work. My favorite part about the story I am about to tell you is that, in a way, I did not have an option.
Little bit about me first is that I have had a rough past in my friendships with girls. Over the years, I have been betrayed by too many girls to count…which I bet many other women can agree with. This is not to say that the Lord has not put incredible people in my life since though! Anyways, I was given the opportunity to take a big step out of my comfort zone the past couple days here at training camp.

At one of our training sessions, we were talking about the vows we have accepted as truth. After each session, we get together as a squad and reflect. For this reflection, we broke into groups: two groups for the girls and one for the guys. From the beginning of the discussion, I knew that the Lord was pushing me to share…but I kept ignoring him. Also, I knew that I could get away with saying nothing because there was not enough time. While people were sharing, I was observing the women in my group and decided that one person specifically stood out to me. She simply scared me and I convinced myself that I would not ever like her…but I had never talked to her. How could I jump to such a bold conclusion without even knowing her? Clearly painful experiences can have a huge impact on you. But even more interesting, she shared a bit of what she struggles with and her fears are similar to my own. It was as though my subconscious knew the best way to be safe and not trigger my own pain was to make her bad so I would just avoid her. WILD! After hearing her speak, the Lord tapped me on the shoulder and gave me the courage to speak. I shared initially how I was super scared to share. I felt out of my comfort zone. I love to share what is on my heart and what the Lord is doing in my life, just not in a group of girls. I told them that and felt a wave of freedom and safety come over me.

Two really cool things happened while sharing. First, the Lord gave me an incredibly image. For a long time, I wanted to find out what made me unique. I wanted to not just be another girl or woman of God. Yet, this image that kept coming to mind was of me in a factory with many other women. We were all doing the same task and it created a profound unity between us. I don’t know how to put the feeling in words but I knew I belonged. I believe that Jesus kept speaking over me that I am a woman of God, His beloved daughter. For so long I had been running away from a community of strong and loving women and now the Lord was pushing me toward them in a profound way! Sharing this with my group created a beautiful sense of unity. I loved it!!

Second, I said something at the end of what I shared that I did not expect to come out of my mouth at all. I told the girl that I was convinced I would never like that I had hostile feelings towards her. She admitted that she had noticed and it was an oddly freeing and sweet moment. Following this meeting, we were told to have a one on one with another person on the squad, which gave us the opportunity to get to know each other. WOW IS GOD COOL! I got to know more about her and I realized that I really like her. Best part of it all though is that we are now on the same ministry team (which is comprised of 5 women on the squad) for Guatemala and I could not be more thrilled!!

I have concluded that there are so many more things that I could write about in regards to what the Lord is doing in me these last two weeks at training camp, but I want to save them. I will share them though in time!! My friends and family, I can not express how incredible God has been these past couple days and the amount of joy He has instilled in me. I have so much joy that I don’t honestly know what to do with but I am hyped to share it all with you guys!